Bump in the road

I love this quote! And it has really helped me stay positive the last week. On August 30 I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't have been happier. Brendan and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost a year and we've been trying to be patient but every month that went by that we weren't pregnant was really hard. So you can imagine how excited we were when we found out we were expecting our first baby. Last Thursday (September 20th) was our first appointment. At the last minute Brendan was able to switch his schedule and come with me. We were both really excited but nervous at the same time. Since the day we found out we were pregnant I had this little doubt in the back of my mind that something just felt off. I don't know how to explain it or why I felt this way but I always felt a little "different." When we got to Dr. Farley's office we went back with the nurse and they asked us all sorts of questions and then Dr. Farley came in to chat with us. I've been really good at tracking things and they figured I was about 8 weeks along. Dr. Farley took us into the ultrasound room to listen to the baby's heartbeat. He had a hard time seeing anything on the monitor and he seemed really concerned about it. He kept pausing and looking at one spot of the screen, after what seemed like an eternity he finally turned to us and said, "I can't find a heartbeat." Instantly my mind started going 100 miles a minuter. I was thinking to myself what does that mean? Why can't he see anything? At that moment his nurse stepped out of the room and I just knew that something wasn't right. Dr. Farley explained to us that with how far along I was there should have been a heartbeat and then he said the thing I was dreading the most... "You've miscarried." I was devestated (even talking about it now makes me bawl)I wanted this baby SO much and now it was just gone. No notice, no warning, nothing. I think I sat there in a daze as Dr. Fraley explained things to me. I think I held things together pretty good as he explained things but the second I looked at Brendan and saw how upset and sad he was I just lost it. Dr. Farley sat with us and cried with us. He was so comforting and sweet. It felt like I was sitting there with a Bishop or an Uncle. Both Brendan and I took the news pretty hard. How do you handle something like that? No one had ever prepared me for something like this. What do I do now? The first thing I did when we left the doctors office was call my Mom. I explained what happened and asked her to call my Dad and Sisters and Brother. I just wasn't in the mood to explain everything to everyone. Everyone has been really sweet and so understanding. I think the thing that helped me the most was talking to my sisters, I think sometimes all you really need is your sisters. I am so grateful for the relationship I have with my family and that I can go to any of them for anything. My sister Jacee just listened to me cry and didn't try telling me it would all be ok. I can never put into words how very grateful I am for my family. I never bled out on my own so yesterday I went to the hospital to have a D&C, its a very quick in and out thing. But they have to put you under during it so you're pretty much wiped out for the rest of the day. I went in at 6:45am and was able to go home at 9:30. Brendan was able to get the day off and went with me. He has been so sweet and has worried about me through this whole thing. He has been the person that I have cried on the most and he is the only person that knows exactly how I feel. I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for bringing him into my life and for being able to spend eternity with such an amazing man. If its one thing I have learned from this, it's that Heavenly Father won't ever give you anything you can't handle. He truly knows how much we can handle and I am so grateful that I am sealed to my husband for eternity. I know that this is just a bump in the road and that we will someday have a baby. I look at other people and realize how blessed I am that I am still here and I know that there are people out there who are worse off. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful family and a husband who would do anything for me. I love my family so much and feel so blessed to have them for eternity.